Paris yesterday: 
Paris today:
This is better than the OJ trial, better than the OJ car chase, better than Lindsay Lohan crashing her car, Nicole Ritchie getting arrested, Michael Jackson not showing up for his court date, Alec Baldwin calling his daughter a 'little pig', and so, so, so, so much more.
Regardless of whether or not her smarmy lawyer can get her out of this pickle, you can spend your weekend knowing that Paris Hilton, right this very second, is sitting in the mental ward of a correctional facility unable to attend parties, go out to clubs, or have her picture taken.
If I can leave you with one thought today it is this: know that while you are out enjoying yourself this weekend, Paris Hilton is having a body cavity search and sitting in a small room in isolation, cut off from the world and crying because finally, after a lifetime of being pampered, she is having to take responsibility for her actions.
Super fuck yeah.
11 comments:
That's hot.
This is great, a good way to begin my weekend. Of course it was up to me I'd put her in a padded room, with a banner or huge pictures of those dogs playing poker around a table on all 4 walls, making her wear a jump suit made of burlap sack (so its really itchy) , making her defecate in a old style red hills brothers coffee can and have tv cameras on the cieling and on all 4 corners of the room, have intense mexican music blaring 24 hours a day , take away her cell phone and computer and not allow her to have any visitors. Oh yeah, only make her eat Hungryman tv dinners.
Dude, if it was up to me we would have corporal punishment and we'd take her out on that pirate ship that the Mark Burnette/CBS reality show is using and keel-haul her for the next 40 days straight.
All I have to think of to make me know there is a God is this:
Paris Hilton in her LA County 12 X 8 cel looking at and smelling her own turds in the fold-out bowl of the stainless steel wall toilet because it never has flushed. Day after day for 23 to 45 days.
I'm off to church now.
My only concern at this point- how are the other fun girls(Lindsay,Britney,ad twateum) going to regain the spotlight? It will take an act of shear and utter desperation..we've already seen their plumbing - what's left?
I predict you'll see photos of Brit taking a dump in the middle of the 101 before the end of next week. It's either that or an act including donkeys and ping pong balls on a stage in a Tijuana bar...fame is as addictive as meth, and more dangerous.
Let Seumas lay out the future for our waste-of-flesh Hollywood starlets:
Scenerio #1:
A lesser known and highly jealous hollywood slut will want the spotlight and blame Paris, Britney, Lohan and Richie for her lack of infamy. Being an avid film buff, she will find poetic justice in working out the plot of Heathers one snotty rich bitch at a time.
Scenerio #2:
All of the major starlets will get depressed and hurt over the way the public largely treats them and decide that they can't take it any more. Not wanting to go out alone and not wanting to leave the spotlight for the living starlets to hog, all of them will forge a suicide pact together.
Seumas - I've got to hand it to you...when you dream, you dream big.As for me, my money is still on the live sex show with animals. Even death is less shocking in the George W. era....
There is a god!
Paris' reign will not end with a bang, but with a whimper, some sobbing, and a cry to mommy ( as Scotty J might say, "that's tight")
There's a "CRY PARIS CRY" tshirt at this link right now http://www.patricking.com
you know you want it.
Will the now godly-do-gooder Paris be as unsexy and annoying as the do-gooder Angelina?
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