A timeline.

Paris one week ago:Paris yesterday: Paris today:

This is better than the OJ trial, better than the OJ car chase, better than Lindsay Lohan crashing her car, Nicole Ritchie getting arrested, Michael Jackson not showing up for his court date, Alec Baldwin calling his daughter a 'little pig', and so, so, so, so much more.

Regardless of whether or not her smarmy lawyer can get her out of this pickle, you can spend your weekend knowing that Paris Hilton, right this very second, is sitting in the mental ward of a correctional facility unable to attend parties, go out to clubs, or have her picture taken.

If I can leave you with one thought today it is this: know that while you are out enjoying yourself this weekend, Paris Hilton is having a body cavity search and sitting in a small room in isolation, cut off from the world and crying because finally, after a lifetime of being pampered, she is having to take responsibility for her actions.

Super fuck yeah.

Video footage of Paris' mom talking about her daughter.

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thanks for the link, Johnny!

She'll be spending the weekend in the medical ward of the hospital? What the fuck is wrong with her?

TMZ reports:

Paris Will Spend Weekend in Med Jail

Posted Jun 8th 2007 4:25PM
by TMZ Staff
Filed under: Celebrity Justice, Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton will probably spend the weekend in a medical ward at the jail facility where she surrendered Sunday night, referred to as Twin Towers.

We're told the plans will firm up within an hour. Hilton will stay there over the weekend, when her lawyer will file an appeal, called a writ of habeas corpus, which means, essentially, the body is being held illegally.


**her body being held illegally? That sounds a bit creepy. Also, what is so medically wrong with her that she's spending the weekend in a hospital? Hmm... **
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She's back in jail!

Paris arriving at the Lynnwood Correctional Facility moments ago, where she'll be (hopefully) spending the remainder of her 45-day sentence.
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Sketch of Paris in the courtroom being told she's headed back to jail

genius.

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Paris Hilton ordered back to jail.

tmz reports:

Paris Hilton was just ordered back to jail in Lynwood.

Hilton left the courtoom in tears, screaming, "Mom, Mom, Mom."

One witness described the scene as being "physically dragged" out of the courtroom by a female deputy.


Sweet mother of god.
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UPDATE:

HOLY SHIT!

x17online reports:

The verdict is in - and it's not good for Paris! We've just learned that the troubled heiress was ordered back to jail by Judge Sauer to serve the entirity of her 45-day sentence, prompting Paris to reportedly scream "IT'S NOT RIGHT!" and start crying for her mother!

As you read this, she's being escorted back to Lynwood
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picture of her heading to the courthouse, right before being handcuffed:

To break up the Paris Hilton news...

...let's talk about our other favorite lady, miss Lindsay Lohan.

WWTDD reports:

Lindsay Lohan arrived at Promises rehab in Malibu looking like a "stray dog" and spent her first few days in detox from alcohol, cocaine, Percocet, Vicodin and other meds, according to a new report in Star. But since that left Lindsays body dangerously low on drugs, she's been secretly asking her friends to smuggle in some new ones.

Sources say:
Even though cell phones and BlackBerrys are not allowed in the $1,600/day Malibu facility, a Star source says Lindsay managed to get a BlackBerry in and has been pleading with "friends" to bring her just what she doesn't need - sleeping pills."She's in rehab because of her addiction to drugs - everything from cocaine to OxyContin and Ambien - but she's complaining she can't sleep," a "close friend" said. "She's been texting friends 24/7, begging them for pills!"

And the Enquirer says pretty much the same:
"She's just playing at getting sober. She was supposed to share quarters, but she insisted on having her own private room," the pal added. "And while group therapy is a huge part of substance-abuse recovery. Lindsay went only once and then refused to return."Another pal insists that Lohan is using her time at the clinic to plan her 21st birthday bash in Las Vegas.The actress reportedly plans on taking over a whole floor at Caesars Palace casino for her party in July."Lindsay's using her month-long stay to plan her 21st birthday party, scheduled to take place days after she's released," the friend claimed."Lindsay's number one priority is her birthday bash - and she's not planning a sober party."

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Paris Hilton, crying as she's carted away in a police car. I have no words.

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..and another pic from the back, not as exciting but it's Paris so I'm posting it, yo.

Paris Hilton handcuffed, thrown in the back of a police cruiser, and taken to court!

And looks like shit in sweatpants and dirty hair! I'm a bad person!

Keep checking this website, it RULES for celebrity gossip & updates constantly, they'll be tracking the story all day...
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In case you live under a rock...

...Paris Hilton was let out of jail this morning, after only serving three days of her sentence and it's fucking ridiculous. Here's the story:

Paris Hilton -- Free Woman

Posted Jun 7th 2007 8:52AM by TMZ Staff
Filed under: Celebrity Justice, Paris Hilton

TMZ has learned that Paris Hilton has not only had her sentence cut short, she is already out of jail!Unimpeachable sources tell TMZ the deal was sealed yesterday, and that Hilton made her exit early early this morning. She was originally sentenced to 45 days in jail, but that was reduced to 23. She served a total of five days -- the normal stay for a violation of this kind.

Her five days began Sunday night and concluded early Thursday morning.The L.A. County Sheriff's Department will hold a news conference in an hour to discuss what went down. UPDATE 10:16: LA County Sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore says that Paris Hilton has been fitted for an ankle bracelet and put under house arrest for the next 40 days, after authorities decided to release Paris from jail due to medical reasons.

She got out of jail just after 2:00 AM. Whitmore says he cannot release details about Paris' "medical issue" due to confidentiality, but said that medical officials "constantly examined" her while she was in jail.

Paris will be under house confinement in her West Hollywood home for 40 days. After the 40 days are up, Whitmore says she will have "fulfilled her debt to society."Whitmore made it clear that Paris was not released early -- she was reassigned.

She is technically still in custody.
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bull to the shit.

For anyone who thought the chick below wasn't Vanessa Minillo...

...Here's a picture of her from earlier that night before the knife incident with Lindsay Lohan. That is all.
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Britney Spears and her nasty extensions.

I don't like these one bit. Why can't she just embrace the fact that she shaved her fucking head, and take those icky things off of her scalp and just embrace her baldness? She is just really very annoying, and I am annoyed with myself that I still keep writing about her. grr.
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Lindsay Lohan & the chick from TRL on MTV

The other chick is also Nick Lachey's girlfriend, and you know Nick Lachey because he used to be married to Jessica Simpson. Hmm. This is just weird. Discuss.

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I posted this awhile ago...

...but just in case, here it is again. If you want to write Paris Hilton in prison, here is her address:


Paris Hilton #9818783
Century Regional Detention Facility
11705 S. Alameda Street
Lynwood, CA 90262

btw, I guess that she didn't have to take out her extensions, can still wear make-up, and is being a 'perfect' prisoner, which means she'll probably be out any day now. dammit.