Friday, August 04, 2006

Britney Spears is HIGH

Okay, so I know the image isn't turning out on this post, but if you click on the blank box next to this you can watch the most bizarre video of Britney I've ever seen... that girl is on the drugs.


Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Mel Gibson: one hour before arrest

...yes, my friends, here are the pictures you've been waiting for. These are going to be in In Touch this week (obviously) but here is your sneak peek. Boy oh boy, this story is becoming better every day... his wife must be pretty happy with him.

Monday, July 31, 2006


So, things are a little mixed up here on my site for now because I had to download everything from my OTHER site over here so the server wouldn't keep crashing and I couldn't figure out how to get them in the right order so it's a little outdated.

Anyway, I'm slowly but surely getting my shit together on this site, and it's going to be fabulous... Thanks for your patience, oh, and enjoy the ridiculous picture below of Nicole Ritchie in a pair of children's underpants.

Nicole Ritchie fits comfortably into little boys underpants.

Eating disorder, shmeating disorder, this girl is the PICTURE of health. With a pelvis the size of a 10-year-old child (and attire to match) she is rocking the house at a karaoke bar in Hollywood. Um, in some world is this considered a good look? She is just freaking me out... between the pigtails and the underwear it seems like she has some sort of, um, skewed outlook on what her age actually is.

Lindsay Lohan rips off Storm Large's wit...

...check out her ABOUT ME section. Anyway, here is Lindsay's myspace page... enjoy!

Mel Gibson is a nut. Like we didn't know.

I've never been a big fan of this guy, and now there is absolutely no reason to be because, as he so accurately puts it, his life "is fucked". He also enjoys calling female police officers "sugar tits" and threatening to sodomize the male ones, and I don't even want to get started on the anti-semitic crap that spewed of his mouth as well.
To see the whole transcript of his tirade after a big night out on the town click here...

Feel free to take this out of context.

Here's Jessica Simpson enjoying her ice cream cone a bit too much. I really don't have anything else to say about this.

In case you haven't seen this...

Poor Kenny Rogers, it's hard to believe that someone would do that to his pretty face (and don't you dare say it wasn't - he was quite the handsome man). I don't think there's any going back once you get the whole "eye tuck" thing... that shit is for life. Maybe if he grows his full beard back it'll detract from them a little bit. Probably not.

The ghost of Lindsay Lohan

Damn, this girl needs to take a night off every once in awhile. Now, I know we all tend to look like shit after a night of staying up too late, but she's out on the beach where she KNOWS she'll be photographed and she's walking around like a corpse. I'm not saying she partakes in drug-riddled, unhealthy lifestyle, but I am saying that this doesn't look like a normal, healthy 20-year-old.

Not Safe For Work...probably

...but it's too late now if you came to my page; sorry about that one. Anyway, this picture might be older, but I've never seen it before and since I haven't I figured I'd share it with you fine folks. I'm not sure what is more distracting in this picture, her bad uneven hair extensions, the disoriented, strung-out look on her face, or her nipple. Ah, probably the nipple. Enjoy!

Tara Reid... Oh how I love this woman. You would think that she would have gotten it through her head by now that wearing a string bikini with your boobs noticeably sagging down while being drunk in public -again- might not be the best way to some positive PR. Maybe she secretly likes the negative attention; I mean hell, have you seen any pictures of her, basically ever, where she looks like she isn't wasted, and all of her body parts are actually covered in clothing? I know that I haven't. She needs to go get her money refunded for her silicone friends there pronto; she's only had them for a couple of years and they are already moving south. I used to feel sorry for Tara, but now I kind of admire her. Think about it; it takes balls to walk around looking like shit, knowing you'll be publicly mocked, and instead you opt to get drunk where everyone can see you and you also choose to wear hardly anything at all. That takes some guts.

And another picture that got lost along the way...

This is another one that I had posted months and months ago that has long since been forgotten... I've decided the theme for today is one older bad picture of a certain celebrity paired with a new one. This is (in case you can't tell) everyone's favorite drunken party girl Tara Reid, looking like she eithera) sat on something sharp and is reeling in pain orb) is in overwhelming ecstasy over the sight of Paris Hilton.Either way, this picture just leaves me with an overwhelming icky feeling. Good luck trying to forget that face.

An oldie but a goodie...

It's kind of sad that my first two posts for today deal with Nicole Ritchie looking ridiculous, and yet, here I am. A while back some unpleasantness occured and I lost most of my images from my website, this being one of them... and happy of happy days, I stumbled across it on the internet this morning. Why Nicole, why? This picture still puzzling; why oh why would you be eating the king phallic of all phallic symbols in public? And who eats corndogs? I understand her trying to prove that yes, she's not anorexic, but it's just wrong. But it kind of makes me hungry.

Um, what is wrong with Nicole Ritchie's hand?

Looking at her face you can't really tell the horridness that has become her emaciated body. Okay, now look a little lower... underneath the fluffy dog. Look at the zombie arm. What the hell is going on with this girl? That is just not right. Somebody needs to help this poor girl asap; if her arms are looking like a 96-year-old woman's, it probably won't be long till it spreads throughout her whole body. Ew.

Um, what is wrong with Nicole Ritchie's hand?


Here you go, my friend. Ew, I was kind of looking forward to never having to look at Tyra Bank's vagina walnut armpit again. Enjoy!

black eyed pee.

Oh man, I forgot about how gross Fergie is... remember the debate about whether it was sweat or pee? Her publicist finally confirmed that it is, in fact, urine. Just wrong.

Katie Holmes and her fake shelf stomach.

Look how cute she is still pretending to be pregnant. Rumor has it that she was: a) actually impregnated by ex-fiance Chris Klienb) Tom Cruise is fully aware of this fact and said that he would help raise the baby if she would play wifey to himc) she's already had the baby a few weeks ago, but is now wearing a fake stomach to postpone the "pregnancy" to coincide with the release of Tom Cruise's shitty movie and to also make it seem that he actually impregnated her when, in fact, they weren't even together nine months ago.d) Tom Cruise is gay gaygay gay gaye) I am past the point of caring about this. ***okay, not really***

For you non-believers that it's a fake stomach...

Behold yet another photo of Katie Holmes, this time indoors, with the same fake-ass pregnancy belly. She is inside, there is no wind blowing her shirt; she actually expects people to believe it is real. Do you?

Lindsay Lohan hates children.

...or at least likes to show them her butt cheeks. All the fans want from you is a hug, Lindsay - not you flashing your ass at the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards. Have some dignity, woman.

The Britney birthing statue - back side

I know, I know, it's kind of cruel to just spring this image on you, but what can I do? You've got to suffer like I have. So, I have to admit that initially I couldn't really figure out what I was looking at, you know, having never seen or given the birthing. And then something clicked. And then I realized how wrong this statue was. Wrong wrong wrong. And stretched out. And wrong. And how I never want to have kids. And how painfully big that whatever it is coming out looks as it's coming out. Oh boy, that is not for me.Well, enjoy!...(thanks to squid for the picture!)

Jessica Simpson has midget legs.

This isn't any camera trickery - it really does look like she's shrinking away. What is up with her mini legs? The guy next to her seems pretty evenly proportioned, but he's doing some kind of weird arm motion... it looks like he's doing some kind of, um, white power salute? I'm just saying... it looks like what it looks like. Well, anyway, here you go; a picture of Jessica Simpson with baby legs.

I could do without seeing Katie Holmes in a nursing bra.

Okay, so Zombie Katie is back on the town! Two weeks after having her baby, she's out in full effect with Tom Cruise proudly showing off her, um, bra, and skin-tight tapered jeans. Okay, Katie - we understand that you are still proving that you actually had a baby; please pull up your shirt to cover your frontless bra now.Man oh man, Tom Cruise has done a number on her - she looks different and totally mentally gone.

Ashlee Simpson got a nose job!

I never thought I'd say this - but goddamn, she actually looks good.Source

Jessica Simpson is no longer good-looking.

Good thing her talentless little sister is picking up the slack, because Jessica is looking like an enormous carrot. Who told her it was a good idea to go for one color scheme for her ENTIRE BODY? She's got a good figure, but that trashy-satin side-zip halter top thing is not a) being as supportive as it needs to be or b) flattering in any way. Now, we all know that Miss Simpson is a pretty girl (in many ways)... but having short-ish burnt umber hair is not one of them. She needs to cut down on the hair color, self-tanner, and teeth whitener, and perhaps look into a new stylist. Just a thought.

Okay, one more of the orange-y Jessica Simpson...

...which captures what the last picture only begins to show: the most unsupportive top I've ever seen. I don't know who was dressing her that night, but those girls shouldn't be hanging that low- it's just not working for her. I don't know why the word camel keeps coming to mind, but that is kind of what her chest reminds me of...

Christina is a walking blow-up doll.

Wow... I don't even know how to caption this one. I was hesitant to post this at the risk of what the comments are going to be, but screw it - you can't miss seeing this. She has to be moderately aware of the fact that she looks like a doll with built-in orifices, don't you think? I thought that she was on the path to being a classy married woman; looks like she's still a dirty girl at heart. Think she'll go the porn star route and release her own set of full-size nighttime companions? Stay tuned!EDIT: this is Christina Aguilera


...but it has to be in order to catch "Gray-Lo" (thanks Tim Riley) in all her glory. It's kind of freaky to see her so close-up... she's a very pretty lady, mind you, but the age is starting to show. I can't believe that the person who took so much care putting that much make-up on her forgot to cover her roots. For shame.

...and by request...

David Blaine's wrinkled, skin-falling-off-in-chunks hands. Enjoy!

Keifer Sutherland wears tighty-whities.

Thank god this picture isn't zoomed in any closer... I don't need to see any more detail on what is already too much of his underwear. What in God's name was he thinking?? That is a DIRTY VINYL BOOTH in a crusty karaoke bar... and his ass is all over it. Ew. You know, I've been to my fair share of karaoke bars, singing a little Total Eclipse of the Heart, but I know that you are supposed to keep your pants on. There is so much going on in these two images I don't even think I can keep my head straight. Friend looking weirded out next to Keifer showing his naughty bits? Check. Friend looking excited about Keifer's pants-dropping? Check. Christian Slater singing karaoke while Keifer Sutherland shakes his penis around? Check and check. Good times.

Just in case you missed it...

Here's the picture of George Michael being startled awake after, um, passing out in his car. Again. His snaggle-tooth is very sexy.

Mmm... blotchy.

Jessica Alba, she of Sin City and numerous movies where she was scantily clad (despite the fact that she now, of course, wants to become a serious actress) is not perfect-looking! She always looks flawless in every photograph; every one but this one... I'm sorry, but it almost looks like open sores, I know, gross and wrong, but true. Now you can rest a little easier knowing that she, like a normal person, has bad, bad-looking days.

... and by request...

...a close-up of Katie Holmes' post-birthing stretch marks. I do believe now that yes, she did give the birth, but it seems a little extreme that she's always being photographed sporting some kind of new proof of baby-making (for example, like here)... Yes, "Kate", we get it. You own a nursing bra. You have stretch marks on your stomach. You put on the proper amount of weight. Take your multi-million dollar check Tom gave you for carrying his (alleged) demon seed now and run for your life. Seriously. Get the fuck out.(thanks to you all who sent me the link!)

and just because...

This picture made me laugh.

Britney Spears almost drops her baby. Again.

There are some people who are meant to be parents, say, for example, Angelina Jolie, Susan Sarandon, my mom (aw)... then there are the other people. Like me. And Britney Spears. We should not procreate.I just feel for this trainwreck, because it's obvious that she has no idea what the hell she is doing. Thank god she caught him; that could have ended poorly for Mrs. Spears. Notice how his little orange hat is flying through the air? It should be noted, however, that Britney was unable to hold onto her child with both hands because she was holding a drink in her right hand... I'm not saying that it looked like a tumbler full of vodka but... it was a tumbler full of vodka. Click here to see a pretty pathetic picture of Britney after almost dropping her child :(


Here is the second picture in my "Tyra Banks is a bizzare-looking woman" series... mmm... mustache... and it looks like she has a little under-lip beard thing going on as well. Tyra, don't you know that you should take care of your excessive body hair? You obviously spend a great deal of time with the teeth-whitening; let's trim up around them, eh?

what's going on with her forehead?

Is Tyra Banks really bald? Does she wear stick-on hair? Have years of dying and straightening her locks taken it's toll leaving her with little wisps of hair that she has to cover with an enormous wig? That can't be anything but a wig with fake skin attached around the hairline to make it look real. Couldn't she hire someone to make sure that little problems like this don't happen? Okay, I'm asking someone now - go to a taping of the "Tyra Banks Show", run up on stage, and try to pull her wig off. I'll make it worth your while. Seriously. Okay, maybe not really. Well, I'll post the article about your arrest on here for everyone else to enjoy.

Axl Rose vs. Tommy Hilfiger

My favorite part about this picture is Tommy striking a karate pose at a leather-clad Axl... What a pair. I guess rumor has it that Tommy actually punched Axl in the face for moving his girlfriends drink out of the way so it wouldn't get spilled. I've gotta say, though, in this picture Axl is still looking pretty tough... but not in a Gun's N Roses kind of way, it's more like Vito's-Johnnycakes-boyfriend-from-the-Sopranos kind of way. Eh.

Oh, Goldie.

Now, before anyone reprimands me for posting a terrible picture of a notoriously very cool and very nice woman, I have to tell you that I had an inner struggle of whether or not to put this up. I, like many of you, have a great affection for Goldie Hawn, and still have a copy of Overboard on VHS.... HOWEVER - you see something like this and you've just got to share it. What happened to her? I mean, I know that she might not be aging the most gracefully (see: Banger Sisters) but when did she, in fact, become an old lady? Well, she'll always be young in spirit. And in Wildcats.

Kirstin Dunst is a vampire woman.

I wasn't going to post this at first because I thought that it had to be photo-shopped - I didn't believe that she was that gummy on her two front teeth. After doing some research, though, it turns out that this is actually an authentic photo of her from Cannes at the premiere of her new movie. Now, to be fair, it looks like her lips might be stuck together in the front, covering her two front teeth. That begs the question, though, why are her lips stuck together? Why is it just those two chicklets that venture outside of her mouth, while the rest stay tucked safely inside? To cleanse the palette, here's a picture of her looking like Gollum. Enjoy!

Holy shit, it doesn't even look like her anymore.

Ashlee Simpson's goal to slowly become her older sister is almost complete. Good God, it doesn't even resemble the little faux-punk-rock lip-syncing hussy we all know and hate. First the nose and now the big puffy lips... soon she'll get the boob job and the change will be complete. Ugh, this is kind of creeping me out.

This woman has had sex with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Sorry I've been slacking, with ending a job and getting ready for vacation - oh, and having my car destroyed by a hit-and-run driver - I've been a bit busy. I'll try to update it a few more times today before I head to the east coast for the week!

Third celebrity sighting...

...and believe me, I know this is a lame, blurry picture, but it was awesome to see a scene from Spiderman 3 being filmed. The scene itself left something to be desired - they were doing some kind of "west side story" dance routine thing down the street to the WORST music I've ever heard. This was right off of Canal St., where I got a killer Fendi knock-off (you don't care) and smack dab in the middle of China town.Oh, and by the way, that is Tobey Maguire.

Second celebrity sighting...

...and the one I was most excited about. Yes, I felt like a douchebag approaching Michael Ian Black while he was sitting in Starbucks playing on his computer - oh, and this was after my sister and I saw him walking down the street and, um, decided we needed to get coffee as well - so we both felt like creepy stalker girls. Anyway, after deciding this was a once in a lifetime chance, we bought our ice teas and then I approached him, apologized for interrupting, and asked for a picture which he was nice enough to do. Since then, we've exchanged a couple of emails and I have to say I have a bit of a crush - and it's not just from that hot scene he's in in Wet, Hot American Summer. Okay, maybe it is.

First sighting... sister and I were lost on the upper East side, trying to find our way to Central Park (it was a block away) and complaining about the fact we had eaten at least three pieces of pizza a day since we'd been there, and all of the east coast girls were so damn skinny and then POOF! Matt Dillion, looking pissed off and hot, crossed our path on the corner of East 85th and Madison. When my sis and I were talking, midsentence I said "oh, and there's Matt Dillion", causing him to look over, look more pissed off (and hot), and walk faster - hence the only picture I could get was a side view. Yes, I felt creepy taking his picture, but it's not everyday you get to see Cliff Poncier walking down the street.

this is Nicole Kidman...

..focus on the sheer horror that has become Nicole Kidman's face - good god. She looks all rubbery and muppet-like and terrible. Yes, that actually is her.

An oldie but a goodie...

I've had some requests for this picture, and I was able to find it again... and it's still just as disturbing. In case you missed it the first time around, this is a picture of Paris Hilton on vacation - scratching her crotch in public. Yup, classy lady this one.


I haven't been this excited to post a picture in a long time - this is fucking GOLD. Here is Britney Spears, in all of her raven-haired glory, basking in a giant robe, grabbing her boobs, and desperately trying to look sexy - goddamn it's sad. I had heard rumors (it's true, I run with a pack of shallow miscreants and we talk about trivial things such as plastic surgery) that she did, in fact, have collagen injections in her lips; I think this picture deems that to be true. This is just one of many pictures that will be featured in Harpers Bazaar magazine, I'm sure you'll want to go pick up a copy.**EDIT** I've had a couple of people doubt that this is Britney Spears (I'm looking at you, Rick Emerson) so here is a picture of the cover.

Um, I don't really know what's going on here.

This is Beyonce singing at an awards show, and I'm not really sure what is happening with her left boob. Is it popping out of the top of her dress? If so, where is her nipple? Does she have nipples? Why am I thinking about this? It kind of looks like she's missing a flap of skin from her left breast, but then again, it could be some kind of weird lighting? I'm getting a headache. Wait, I think that I maybe see a band aid below the patch of skin that's missing? Why do her eyes have no white in them, making her look like some kind of alien woman? Goddamn she's wearing a lot of baubles. I'm exhausted.

She's still got it.

Madonna really should move away from London; she's starting to get the snaggly British teeth and it ain't pretty.

Yeah, those aren't fake.

I think the question has been answered... nobody I know has ball boobs like that & didn't pay for them. Gotta hand it to her, though; she does look good....but not so good here.or here.