Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Words can't express my disdain for this girl.

But this is hilarious:

Britney's Disastrous Photo Shoot

TMZ has learned that Britney's self-arranged photo shoot and interview with OK! Magazine was a complete disaster. We're told that the photos are so bad, execs at the magazine are, at this moment, trying to decide whether to report what actually happened -- or sanitize the truth to protect the pop train wreck.

According to multiple sources, Britney's behavior during the interview was "nothing less than a meltdown." She was, according to our sources, "completely out of it" during the shoot. The photos are "so bad" we've learned, that to publish them could "kill her career." Apparently, Brit Brit's eyes rolled back in her head at one point, causing her to look half dead. Her mood, we're told, was extremely erratic. She took frequent bathroom breaks our source says, and each time she returned her mood would change. She was also completely paranoid during the entire interview, fearing at one point the ceiling was about to cave in on her. Out of control y'all!

We've also learned that Brit had some issues with hygiene on the set as well. At one point, Britney ordered up some fried chicken to munch on. We're told after she chowed down, she wiped her hands on a several thousand dollar Gucci dress that she was wearing for the shoot, staining it with grease. Yuck! One of her dogs also needed some assistance in the housebreaking department. Our on-set spy says that the dog pooped all over the floor, and Brit used (what else?) -- a Chanel dress to clean it up! How trashtastic!As for how Brit looked for the photos, another nightmare. We've learned that OK! hired two of the best hair and makeup artists in L.A. to transform the once-bald beauty into something more presentable, but she wasn't havin' none of that. She refused to let the hired help touch her, opting instead for her "skanky friends" to do her hair and makeup. No wonder she always looks so fantastic!

And if you're wondering where her mom/publicist/lawyer/friend/ANYONE was to help her out, we're told that even her cousin Alli (who until recently was working as her personal assistant) couldn't deal, and is "done" with Miss Spears.

We'll see when OK! hits the stands this week -- if they actually have the balls to print the truth about what happened. We're guessing they don't!



A couple more alleged tidbits for you all:

- She chose outfits that were 2 sizes too small, so her rolls of fat were anywhere and everywhere.
- She would talk in baby talk and even piss with the bathroom door wide open!
- She touches and fondles hereself constantly in the breast area and bagina area.

I can't wait for this to come out!! Fucking genius.


stevobar said...

She looks like she could use some chicken fried chicken..do they deliver it to the trailer park?

Randy from Texas said...

Now hear me out...I have a million-dollar idea here. I want to see it happen so much, I'm giving it away for free:

I call it Skank World, though I'm not married to the title. The theme should be Hall and Oates' "Rich Girl", though.

Four women, one Real World-style apartment. They're all locked in for 30 days, with ankle bracelets on them that will blow their legs off if they try to leave. Lindsay, Britney, Paris, and the pregnant Nicole, who should have a stabilizing effect on the group. No scripting, no direction...just turn the cameras on and watch the fun begin. Guaranteed 50 share, bay-beeeee.

You're welcome, networks. Just get it done.

stevobar said...

Randy - you may be on to something here...may I suggest that we add Courtney Love to the cast as "designated house mother"?

Randy from Texas said...

I like how you think. Courtney Love is the High Priestess and Flava Flav-equivalent of the skank-rock coalition. I name you co-executive producer. That means we get to go in the house after hours and bang the skanks.

Steve said...

"She took frequent bathroom breaks our source says, and each time she returned her mood would change."

Well, let's not not jump to conclusions. I know MY mood changes when I take a "bathroom break"; maybe she just has an over-active bladder.

Seriously, though, ol' Brit better watch out: LL is making a strong move to take over the Top Skank spot.

Randy from Texas said...

Skank Wars!

Lindsay and Britney are battling it out for second place. Winner (or survivor, as the case may be) takes on Paris for the low-hanging Skank Championship Belt!

stevobar said...

Randy - I call dibs on Lindsay for the skanko bangerama..Courtney is ALL yours, my friend..

stevobar said...

..and by the way, I'll bet if the camera followed Brit aound for a while, we'd catch her eatin' a booger too...that'll give ya pause for thought.

Seumas said...

Britney Spears is an honorary Estacadan.

Steve said...

Either she's getting career advice from Tonya Harding, or they're THE SAME PERSON.....you never see the two together, do you?

Would explain a lot.

Jim said...

Okay, to go back to a previous point, when you 2 gentlemen were discussing banging these skanks, I hope you meant 'bang' as in baby seals and clubs. You gotta admit, that would be a very satisfying bang indeed.

And Britney Spears is also a honorary Willamina-ian.

Shovelhead said...

Were this anyone but the post gone-insane Brittany Spears (well, OK, maybe Paris, Lindsay or Courtney as well), one might think it a set up. But no - this is where she has fallen; into the pit of unintentional hilarity and Letterman punch lines.

Seumas said...

Is she currently promoting any products for anything or acting as a spokesman for anything? She used to have big fish like Pepsi. How long until she's trolling to be the spokesman for the local Sandy Bar style flea market, a local rodeo or a waffle house?

Theresa said...

Brit is so PURDY!
She is completely finished now so they may as well just publish the photo shoot.

gay bob said...

What did that poor rag mop do, to deserve being in her hand. Probably bit a nun in a previous life.