Tuesday, July 24, 2007

She is, in two words, completely fucked.


Lindsay Lohan might be adding a whole lotta striped jumpsuits to her wardrobe.

Already facing charges for driving under the influence and misdemeanor hit and run in Beverly Hills, Lindsay racked up even more charges last night in Santa Monica, and is now facing big-time jail time.

The maximum sentence she faced for the original DUI and hit and run charges was 6 months for each. Last night, Lindsay was charged with another DUI -- if convicted of both DUIs, she could face up to one year in jail. And the horror doesn't stop there! She was also charged with possession of cocaine, which is a felony and carries a maximum of three years in jail.

La Lohan is accused of driving on a suspended license as well, which carries a maximum of one year in jail. Her frenemy Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days for the same offense.

As far as the allegation of bringing cocaine into a correctional facility -- our sources tell us that this charge will most likely be dropped, because it is only enforced if someone transports drugs to an inmate in custody. La Lohan didn't willingly go to jail last night!

Judges don't take kindly to arrestees whose crimes occur so close together -- so it's quite possible that the proverbial book will be thrown at her. In a worst case scenario, Lilo could face SIX YEARS in jail!


stevobar said...

She looks pretty friggin hot in this picture...this is a big improvement over Jeff Goldblum...way to go Sarah..hope your schnozzola feels better soon..let that be a lesson..never get pierced or tattooed when drinking...

Randy from Texas said...

She won't spend that long in jail simply because she has so much money. But I say she shuts her mouth and does whatever time they give her. She'll kick the junk, work out and get buff in the prison gym, and take some hot women's prison showers. By the time she comes out, she'll have a lot of prison body art and have the street cred to launch a career performing hardcore white rap. It could happen.

Seumas said...

I hope Lindsey Lohan dies.

I've heard a lot of people who know her family say that her parents are a bunch of fame loving assholes who have pushed and pushed and exploited Lindsey to no limit.

. . . but I don't care. If you drive drunk or high and put people at risk, you deserve to have your license taken away forever. If you ever do it again, you deserve a life sentence. Period.

If she only gets six years, I'll be pretty fucking pissed.

Seumas said...

Oh, also - yes, I would hit it like a Big Mac.

smithcon said...

Thank you Jesus!

DougA said...

The ankle monitor in this picture is absolutely priceless.

DougA said...

Oh, and I would bang the hinges off her.

Seumas said...

Didn't Lindsey write a love letter to another woman recently?

Oh man, Lindsey in a woman's prison and open to the girl-on-girl thing. Please Jesus get us a videotape of that.

steve said...

Seumas, Seumas, Realistically I'd say she won't get a life sentence. But I do agree that she needs to get bitchslapped down for her behavior 'cause ya just can't keep being a threat to the public like that. I wouldn't bang the hinges off her (freckles aren't my thing) but,hey, I think Randy has a good idea goin' about a Lindsey Lohan girl prison reality show. I'd definitely watch that!!

Steve said...

(the other Steve)

She's still a cute little shit, but I wouldn't go near that with anything less than a full-body condom.

That's easily Level 4...

Shovelhead said...

Is there an STD ward in the LA County slam? Rumor has it both Lindsay and Paris carry around various little swimmers from their club encounters with undefined "pals". That full-body condom would not be a bad precaution.

Pool time!
If Paris got 45 days and served 23; how many ACTUAL days behind bars will LiLo spend? I'll start off and guess 90.

What a waste of a very pretty and once-talented actress. Much like Downey (winner of an Oscar for "Chaplin"' remember?), LiLo is destined for a life of regret.

Seumas said...

I can't even guess how much time she'll do, because she has so much going FOR her. She's pretty. She's white. She's famous. She's rich. And more importantly, it really doesn't seem that anyone takes drunk driving seriously. She should do a decade. I'll be surprised if she does 90 (especially if that's all she is sentenced to).

I don't see any real similarity between Downey and Lohan. Downey has done some wonderful movies and he comes back now and again to do more, in between his personal troubles. He seems like someone with a real self-destructive addiction problem and I have always felt it was a major loss to cinema, because he could have done so many more great movies if he hadn't been in so much trouble all the time.

Lohan, on the other hand, has done 13 Going on 30 and Herbie the Love Bug, doesn't give a damn about anyone, doesn't want to get better, doesn't care who she puts in danger and is just a spoiled, useless waste of flesh.

Downey is tragic. Lohan is pathetic.

stevobar said...

Hey guys - after years of practicing safe sex, I'm sure I could emerge from my skank spank with Lindsay
unscathed...however,you can be assured that my mouth would not touch hers..I'd just pretend we were married.

As for the comparison to Robert Downey, thanks to Seumas for drawing the distinction between the two...you are right-Downey is a tragic genius with a substance abuse problem...Lindsay does have a gift, but is certainly not in the same league. I'd still give her a good pokin, though, within the confines of a full body condom.

Squid Vicious said...

She is just that much closer to the porn business now!!! But it's not like we hadn't see her bits and pieces already.

Theresa said...

I absolutely LOVE the ankle bracelet paired with the peace sign and the too cool for you pose. She is really a cocky little shit!

Randy from Texas said...

But don't forget, Robert Downey Jr has been in many fine films...one of which, Zodiac, is out on DVD now. I can give you an endless list of bad films that Lohan has been in (the better of these being Mean Girls, a.k.a. Lil' Heathers).

It's the Britney Effect. She was cute, she was hot, but it's over. Her talent may still be there, but her career is in ruins and her life is a wreck.

On the positive side, she's not a total waste...she can always serve as a bad example. Or pose naked.