... and by request...

...a close-up of Katie Holmes' post-birthing stretch marks. I do believe now that yes, she did give the birth, but it seems a little extreme that she's always being photographed sporting some kind of new proof of baby-making (for example, like here)... Yes, "Kate", we get it. You own a nursing bra. You have stretch marks on your stomach. You put on the proper amount of weight. Take your multi-million dollar check Tom gave you for carrying his (alleged) demon seed now and run for your life. Seriously. Get the fuck out.(thanks to you all who sent me the link!)

and just because...

This picture made me laugh.

Britney Spears almost drops her baby. Again.

There are some people who are meant to be parents, say, for example, Angelina Jolie, Susan Sarandon, my mom (aw)... then there are the other people. Like me. And Britney Spears. We should not procreate.I just feel for this trainwreck, because it's obvious that she has no idea what the hell she is doing. Thank god she caught him; that could have ended poorly for Mrs. Spears. Notice how his little orange hat is flying through the air? It should be noted, however, that Britney was unable to hold onto her child with both hands because she was holding a drink in her right hand... I'm not saying that it looked like a tumbler full of vodka but... it was a tumbler full of vodka. Click here to see a pretty pathetic picture of Britney after almost dropping her child :(

mmm...mustache.

Here is the second picture in my "Tyra Banks is a bizzare-looking woman" series... mmm... mustache... and it looks like she has a little under-lip beard thing going on as well. Tyra, don't you know that you should take care of your excessive body hair? You obviously spend a great deal of time with the teeth-whitening; let's trim up around them, eh?

what's going on with her forehead?

Is Tyra Banks really bald? Does she wear stick-on hair? Have years of dying and straightening her locks taken it's toll leaving her with little wisps of hair that she has to cover with an enormous wig? That can't be anything but a wig with fake skin attached around the hairline to make it look real. Couldn't she hire someone to make sure that little problems like this don't happen? Okay, I'm asking someone now - go to a taping of the "Tyra Banks Show", run up on stage, and try to pull her wig off. I'll make it worth your while. Seriously. Okay, maybe not really. Well, I'll post the article about your arrest on here for everyone else to enjoy.

Axl Rose vs. Tommy Hilfiger

My favorite part about this picture is Tommy striking a karate pose at a leather-clad Axl... What a pair. I guess rumor has it that Tommy actually punched Axl in the face for moving his girlfriends drink out of the way so it wouldn't get spilled. I've gotta say, though, in this picture Axl is still looking pretty tough... but not in a Gun's N Roses kind of way, it's more like Vito's-Johnnycakes-boyfriend-from-the-Sopranos kind of way. Eh.

Oh, Goldie.

Now, before anyone reprimands me for posting a terrible picture of a notoriously very cool and very nice woman, I have to tell you that I had an inner struggle of whether or not to put this up. I, like many of you, have a great affection for Goldie Hawn, and still have a copy of Overboard on VHS.... HOWEVER - you see something like this and you've just got to share it. What happened to her? I mean, I know that she might not be aging the most gracefully (see: Banger Sisters) but when did she, in fact, become an old lady? Well, she'll always be young in spirit. And in Wildcats.

Kirstin Dunst is a vampire woman.

I wasn't going to post this at first because I thought that it had to be photo-shopped - I didn't believe that she was that gummy on her two front teeth. After doing some research, though, it turns out that this is actually an authentic photo of her from Cannes at the premiere of her new movie. Now, to be fair, it looks like her lips might be stuck together in the front, covering her two front teeth. That begs the question, though, why are her lips stuck together? Why is it just those two chicklets that venture outside of her mouth, while the rest stay tucked safely inside? To cleanse the palette, here's a picture of her looking like Gollum. Enjoy!

Holy shit, it doesn't even look like her anymore.

Ashlee Simpson's goal to slowly become her older sister is almost complete. Good God, it doesn't even resemble the little faux-punk-rock lip-syncing hussy we all know and hate. First the nose and now the big puffy lips... soon she'll get the boob job and the change will be complete. Ugh, this is kind of creeping me out.

This woman has had sex with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Sorry I've been slacking, with ending a job and getting ready for vacation - oh, and having my car destroyed by a hit-and-run driver - I've been a bit busy. I'll try to update it a few more times today before I head to the east coast for the week!

Third celebrity sighting...

...and believe me, I know this is a lame, blurry picture, but it was awesome to see a scene from Spiderman 3 being filmed. The scene itself left something to be desired - they were doing some kind of "west side story" dance routine thing down the street to the WORST music I've ever heard. This was right off of Canal St., where I got a killer Fendi knock-off (you don't care) and smack dab in the middle of China town.Oh, and by the way, that is Tobey Maguire.

Second celebrity sighting...

...and the one I was most excited about. Yes, I felt like a douchebag approaching Michael Ian Black while he was sitting in Starbucks playing on his computer - oh, and this was after my sister and I saw him walking down the street and, um, decided we needed to get coffee as well - so we both felt like creepy stalker girls. Anyway, after deciding this was a once in a lifetime chance, we bought our ice teas and then I approached him, apologized for interrupting, and asked for a picture which he was nice enough to do. Since then, we've exchanged a couple of emails and I have to say I have a bit of a crush - and it's not just from that hot scene he's in in Wet, Hot American Summer. Okay, maybe it is.

First sighting...

...my sister and I were lost on the upper East side, trying to find our way to Central Park (it was a block away) and complaining about the fact we had eaten at least three pieces of pizza a day since we'd been there, and all of the east coast girls were so damn skinny and then POOF! Matt Dillion, looking pissed off and hot, crossed our path on the corner of East 85th and Madison. When my sis and I were talking, midsentence I said "oh, and there's Matt Dillion", causing him to look over, look more pissed off (and hot), and walk faster - hence the only picture I could get was a side view. Yes, I felt creepy taking his picture, but it's not everyday you get to see Cliff Poncier walking down the street.

this is Nicole Kidman...

..focus on the sheer horror that has become Nicole Kidman's face - good god. She looks all rubbery and muppet-like and terrible. Yes, that actually is her.

An oldie but a goodie...

I've had some requests for this picture, and I was able to find it again... and it's still just as disturbing. In case you missed it the first time around, this is a picture of Paris Hilton on vacation - scratching her crotch in public. Yup, classy lady this one.

yum.

I haven't been this excited to post a picture in a long time - this is fucking GOLD. Here is Britney Spears, in all of her raven-haired glory, basking in a giant robe, grabbing her boobs, and desperately trying to look sexy - goddamn it's sad. I had heard rumors (it's true, I run with a pack of shallow miscreants and we talk about trivial things such as plastic surgery) that she did, in fact, have collagen injections in her lips; I think this picture deems that to be true. This is just one of many pictures that will be featured in Harpers Bazaar magazine, I'm sure you'll want to go pick up a copy.**EDIT** I've had a couple of people doubt that this is Britney Spears (I'm looking at you, Rick Emerson) so here is a picture of the cover.

Um, I don't really know what's going on here.

This is Beyonce singing at an awards show, and I'm not really sure what is happening with her left boob. Is it popping out of the top of her dress? If so, where is her nipple? Does she have nipples? Why am I thinking about this? It kind of looks like she's missing a flap of skin from her left breast, but then again, it could be some kind of weird lighting? I'm getting a headache. Wait, I think that I maybe see a band aid below the patch of skin that's missing? Why do her eyes have no white in them, making her look like some kind of alien woman? Goddamn she's wearing a lot of baubles. I'm exhausted.

She's still got it.

Madonna really should move away from London; she's starting to get the snaggly British teeth and it ain't pretty.

Yeah, those aren't fake.

I think the question has been answered... nobody I know has ball boobs like that & didn't pay for them. Gotta hand it to her, though; she does look good....but not so good here.or here.

Diana Ross has kiwi's for eyes.

Ah, Diana, like Fergie, is a gift that just keeps on giving. When she's not being arrested for drug abuse or being drunk and disorderly, she likes to spend her time resting on the beach looking mighty insane. This is what Diana does between those bouts with the law - she lays on the beach in her nightgown and scares small children with her cucumber kiwi eyes. She is a mean, mean woman.