DAMN.

Sister is looking HAGGARD. I think that all of her hard partying has finally caught up to her... she does not look anywhere near 20 years old. What is with the bags? The bloodshot eyes? This is the premiere of the biggest fucking movie of her career so far and she couldn't stay in for just one night? Grr. I don't mean to be so bitchy, but isn't it annoying to anyone else? Girls like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton basically run our country (at least take up most of the media's time) and why? So we can watch the waste away from anorexia and drug addictions? Whatever. Sometimes I can't believe I have this blog to pander to these slut monkeys.

Here is Lindsay Lohan, richer than any of us will ever be, and not grateful for it whatsoever. Oh well. I'm done ranting. Anyway, I hope to see you all at the Leykis listener party this afternoon at Barracuda ( 9 NW 2nd) at 3PM (doors at 2PM). I swear I'll be in a good mood. Let's drink!

Ooooo, it's a zombie...

...oh no, it's Nicole Ritchie and her freak arm. This girl just looks ill... I bet if she wiped off all of the make-up on her face she'd be as pale as a ghost and just sickly-looking.

Pamela Anderson has bald patches.

..Okay, maybe not bald patches, but she's got some seriously terrible hair extensions going on. I know that Pamela is the queen of gorgeous fake-looking women with the blonde hair and huge boobs and tan skin and tons of make-up, I just don't want to see how she's pieced together... nobody wants to see an implant poking out of her, and I sure don't want to see her chunks of hair she has glued to her scalp.

Jessica love meatball.

Jessica Simpson is a beautiful eater. Listen, I'm not the most attractive shoving a wad of ground beef in my mouth, either, but she's sitting outside in front of the paparazzi. She should KNOW better... or at least wear her sunglasses to disguise the look of bliss on her face as she shoves her maw with yet another forkful of juicy shoveled meat.

Nick Lachey wins.

Happy Halloween!

Here's your treat! Our own engineer Shawn Cupples dressed up as Orgasmo. Check out the silver codpiece, mmm mmm mmm.

I love my job.

Suzanne Somers: Ageless?

Um... no. I think that if you click on this picture you can see the horrible, super extra large picture of this self-described "ageless" beauty. I, like many other girls my age, was a huge fan on Step-By-Step, and those days for Suzanne are LOOONNG gone - she's wrinkle-icious. I know, that's not a word, but it's the only thing that comes to mind when I look at her.

She doesn't look so bad with the picture being small, so if you'd like to not taint the image in your mind of her physical appearance don't enlarge the photo. Mmmm leathery face.

Oh boy.

Bill Maher as Steve Irwin.
Somebody's going to hell.

Rick's hand puppet Lolita.

he is insane.

Happy weekend-before-Halloween!

Yes, this is my poor dog Muppet in his Wonderwoman costume. I know, he is a boy, but he also appreciates the finer things in life, like headbands. And silver arm cuffs. And being my gay little dog.

I understand that I am one of those lame crazy dog people who dresses up my dog, but I am zen with it... I think he's fucking adorable. Hey, if you'd like to outfit your furry friend in a costume like this one (they also had Batman, Superman, Spiderman, etc.) head to Target, they are on sale for $6.99, and then you can have a little ridiculous picture like mine. Have fun this weekend!

Engineer Jeremy's porn stache... and his porn stash

Good thing Storm didn't win Rockstar Supernova...

...Tommy Lee is a molester. A dirty, dirty molester. Still hot, though.

Lindsay & Paris are party animals.

um. yeah. I have no words for this.


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Yay!!!

Britney's making a comeback! She hasn't looked this good in YEARS; now she just needs to get rid of douchebag K-Fed and she'll be good to go. I guess she's planning her big "comeback" for the end of the month , I can't wait to see the finished product.

As a sidenote, you guys should check out X17online. I got this picture (along with many others) from that site, and they wrote this fantastic rant about bloggers, i.e. Perez Hilton, stealing from them and not giving credit. His moronic response is posted there, as well. Eh.

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And just because....

Michael Jackson in drag. Note the 3-inch heels... he's one sassy bitch.

Don't do drugs, kids.

Here's a picture of Lindsay Lohan for the new T-Mobile Sidekick party, looking a little bit worse for wear. I used to be envious of this girl; now, she's just looking like a big old mess. I don't know what is worse, the crack-whore uneven black eyemakeup or the shiny t00-pale lips and the cracked out look. Okay, I know I'm just repeating myself because I have posted many, MANY pictures of Lindsay looking a bit, um, strung-out, but this is the most recent one and I felt I owed to you all. How long till rehab, do you think? I'm giving it about 2 months...


EDIT: And I just found this other photo of her from the same night... with her ass hanging out. Looks like she might have some extra skin "down there" like Paris Hilton.

My Hero, Shanna Moakler.

Paris Hilton and Shanna Moakler both filed police reports this morning alleging they were attacked. Paris claims Moakler punched her in the jaw and Moakler claims Paris's ex Stavros Niarchos poured a drink over her head and shoved her down some stairs. The incident happened at Hyde at around 1:10 AM when Shanna confronted Paris and started screaming obscenities, at one point punching her in the jaw with a closed fist. The bad blood is the result of Paris getting it on with Shanna's estranged husband Travis Barker, and a source close to Paris reveals that Shanna has been leaving "menacing" messages on Paris's answering machine. Source

God bless you, Shanna Moakler - you had the balls to do what so many women have desired to do: punch Slutty McSlutterson right in her beaky face. You were being heckled by Paris and her entourage, had a drink thrown on you, shoved down the stairs by Mr. Nachos, and you decided to stand up for yourself and do something about it (at least that's the truth I choose to believe). You are a role model to many girls; Paris Hilton is not. Go Shanna go!

Straight outta prison...

...and looking like a hairless cat. What the HELL happened to her face?? She used to look, yes, a little crazy, but definitely not as bizarre as she looks now.

(By the way, this is rapper Lil' Kim)

Katie Holmes is enormous...

...or Tom Cruise is really very small. Okay, or maybe, just maybe, the camera is at a weird angle and it looks like she's a giant and he's a midget man, and I fully take advantage of said angle to mock the fact that Tom Cruise is freakishly small. Maybe that's it.

Gotta admit, though, that it looks pretty realistic. When are you going to run away, gigantic Katie? Run free! Move away from crazy Tom before you get hitched and you can't break free! You are very frustrating!!

Lindsay Lohan's drunken karate moves

She's quite the little dancer.

Screech wants to show you his rubber ducky

Ew. The look of pleasure on Screech's face (a.k.a. Dustin Diamond) is enough to make me vomit in my mouth. I guess this is a still taken from the beginning of his upcoming porn movie called "Saved by the Smell". Yes, it's true (although I still think my idea of "Shaved by the Bell" is better). So, if you'd like to know some of the sickening details of Screech's porn flick, you can go here to find out more information, because I don't want to even write about it.

I'll just leave you with two words: Dirty Sanchez.
Fucking WRONG.

Edit: you can check out the teaser video here (thanks, Tim!)