sarah x dylan - podcaster/dog-painterer

work-in-progress

2011-06-30T20:54:00.001-07:00

Red sweater party

2010-11-03T14:04:00.001-07:00

Ruth

2010-11-03T13:59:00.001-07:00

Fritz

2010-11-02T16:34:00.001-07:00

Butters

2010-11-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

Sydney

2010-11-02T14:40:00.000-07:00

Dog portraits!

2010-11-02T14:25:00.000-07:00

Hey friends, long time no update, I know - alas, the world of Funemployment Radio has sucked me in over the past year (a year on Friday to be exact) and I've been busy updating that page and neglecting this here website. But I've got good news! Yes, in my unemployed quest I have discovered that I have a strange talent, how it came about I'm still not quite clear, but it is a talent, nonetheless. I have been recruited by many fine folks to paint pictures of their favorite furry friends! Yes, I just wrote that. I indeed have been spending my time painting portraits of dogs, and having a damn fine time at it. Below are some samples of my work; if you'd like to inquire about having a painting done please email me at sarahxdylan@gmail.com, and I'll get back to you with a quote! Also, if you could send a pic with your beloved dog that would be grand.

Hope to see some of your favorite dog pictures soon! Here's my latest sample, and I'll post more in the upcoming posts:

Sasha

And so it goes...

2009-10-24T11:02:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well - quite the week, eh? Alas, the time has come to say goodbye to the airwaves yet again; so is the cycle of radio. I have enjoyed my time on the air with the greatest co-workers I could ever have - it was always a fantastic way to start the day chatting with my friends in the morning. It was an honor and a privilege to work with Rick, Tim, and Greg, along with the countless other people whose contributions made it possible for it to be the best. show. ever. Thanks for your support and love, everyone, and I'll catch ya on the flipside.

Yes, I just wrote flipside.

Sarah D.

oh, and p.s. - we're still here! Please to be checking out all of our websites for updates and funny pictures and figurings-out as this crazy train called life keeps going. Thanks!

No drug problem here. Nope, not one bit.

2009-10-21T05:31:00.000-07:00

Holy mother of god. Lindsay Lohan looks like a 40-year-old woman and she is TWENTY-TWO. She needs to lay off the collagen and prescription drugs and wipe off that horrendous pink lipstick and burn that rabbit fur coat - ugh.

Genius!!

2009-10-15T06:59:00.000-07:00

So, we had Heidi and Spencer on the show a couple of days ago and Rick decided to make the interview more interesting by seeing how many 'douchebag' references he could slip in without them noticing - and the answer is MANY, MANY, MANY of them. Listener Ronald decided to make a hilarious slide-show to accompany the interview, and it is amazing. Enjoy, and thanks to Ronald!

This just looks ridiculous.

2009-10-02T04:50:00.000-07:00

...oh, and AWESOME. But mostly ridiculous. I went to see Zombieland last night (which was a pretty good movie!) and there was a preview for this movie, but was definitely not as long as this 5-minute sneak-peek. Enjoy the ridiculousness that is 2012:

Paranormal Activity

2009-09-29T07:17:00.001-07:00

So there's this rad new movie called Paranormal Activity that's been made, but it's only playing in select cities. That being said, you can sign the petition here to bring it to Portland! Here's the trailer, so you can see how bad-ass it looks:

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Tila Tequila showing her bruises..

2009-09-11T04:14:00.000-07:00

Yikes. Does look like she was roughed up a bit. Regardless if she's lying about not doing the drinking (see: Nibler's "Ball Talk" from a couple of days ago when she had 'twittered' that she was wasted) she's still a tiny girl and dude shouldn't be harming her.

Holy crap.

2009-09-03T05:22:00.001-07:00

Kevin Federline is fucking HUGE! It's like he's wearing a fat suit made of skin. My mind is having a hard time time wrapping around this, because all I can picture him looking like is this:
Wow.

...oh, and here is as Pig Man in the Tim and Eric Awesome Show... which is.. AWESOME

2009-08-27T12:30:00.001-07:00

Tommy Wiseau in the preview for his new pilot: The Neighbors

2009-08-27T12:28:00.000-07:00

We're having TOMMY WISEAU on the show tomorrow @ 8AM!!!!

2009-08-26T08:07:00.000-07:00

Best. Day. Ever.

(Tommy Wiseau is the guy with the long black hair - genius.)

She's back!!!!

2009-08-19T08:38:00.000-07:00

Yay! The drunken cokewhore is back! I guess she was talking to the press last night in a BRITISH ACCENT, shades of Britney Spears right before her head-shaving meltdown. Will we be so lucky? Only time will tell, my friends...

Storm Large's new video!

2009-07-22T06:16:00.000-07:00

Be prepared to have this in your head ALL DAY LONG. Also, look for my cameo toward the end (along with my friend Heather), and watch Rick hamming it up at Mary's Club singing VAGINA over and over again. Much love to Storm, it looks amazing!

Naked drunk chick on roof at Starbucks last night

2009-07-15T07:25:00.001-07:00

Crowd in Pioneer Courthouse Square last night

2009-07-15T07:08:00.000-07:00

That is so fucking awesome!!

holy god, he's damn attractive.

2009-07-14T06:39:00.001-07:00

It's hot Hamm water! No? Ah, I kill me.

RIP, Ed McCarthy

2009-07-10T08:35:00.000-07:00

CNN Radio’s Ed McCarthy passed away July 9th at Emory Hospital in Snellville, Georgia. Services are pending.

Ed joined CNN Radio in 1986 working as a news and business anchor. He most recently served as a National Correspondent based in Atlanta. Ed traveled the country covering all kinds of stories for CNN from wildfires and celebrity trials, to tornadoes and hurricanes. One of Ed’s biggest joys was covering The Masters in Augusta Georgia.

Before joining CNN Radio, Ed was news director and co-host of a morning show at WIRA/WOVV Radio in Fort Pierce, Fla. From 1985-1986, McCarthy served as a weather anchor at WTVX-TV in Fort Pierce. From 1982-1985, McCarthy was news director at WSTU/WHLG Radio in Stuart, Fla. He has also served as news director at WIRK Radio in West Palm Beach, Fla.

I'll miss you, Ed. Your fantastical laugh and joyful presence was such a great asset to the show; I'm so bummed that we never got to share a cocktail, although I did have the pleasure of hearding you consume quite a few :)

Rest in peace, friend.

God DAMN.

2009-06-18T06:16:00.000-07:00

Sweet baby Jesus, Ryan Reynolds is hot as balls. Wow.

This fucking freaks me out...

2009-06-16T05:38:00.001-07:00

...yet I'm simultaneously fascinated by it. Here are some images from a new underwater hotel that's set to open soon in Dubai - that was designed to look like a GIANT SEA MONSTER. Holy god. This is going to give me nightmares... yet I don't really understand why. Nightmares of AWESOMENESS! I need coffee.

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This is downright genius!

2009-06-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

Well, at least for me, being a child of the 80s and all. I remember waking up every Saturday morning to watch Saved by the Bell... and actually, come to think of it, I still do that.

Um, nevermind.

this made me 'laugh out loud'

2009-06-08T10:49:00.000-07:00

I love me some Bonnie Tyler, but this video is fucking ridiculous. I give you: a literal interpretation of Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart".

Thanks, Nick!

Um, yeah...

2009-06-03T07:15:00.001-07:00

So, here's the, um, ~~boy~~ person that's 17 that someone legally distinct from me (it's totally me) thinks is hot. Thoughts? I feel dirty.

The clown lady.

2009-05-27T07:50:00.001-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen! I give you... Patricia Engalls! Holy god.

Ingalls, a clown for 17 years, was in full clown costume and on her way to work a gig at the Ogden 20K Race. Anxious to get to work blowing up balloons and whatever other things creepy clowns do, she got in an accident with another vehicle and decided to haul ass. Imagine the horror as police arrived and arrested her in front of the kiddies. They kids clung to her and begged them not to take the clown away. Actually the true horror is her clown makeup. Down at the station, the drunken clown blew a .252, more than three times the legal limit.

Ingalls spoke out after her arrest to say she was sorry the kids witnessed her being taken into custody. “I’m not allowed to drink in costume and I should have never went because I was too upset,” said Ingalls. However, she denies she was drunk at the time of the accident.

Holy mother of god.

2009-05-27T04:48:00.000-07:00

That is just WRONG. Wrong wrong. Wow. She looks like the chick in "There's something about Mary" - not so much the Cameron Diaz one as the wrinkly old lady.. man oh man, looking at how her skin is straining to hold them in is kind of making me want to throw up.

Thanks, Tim!

Zombie Prom!

2009-05-21T06:45:00.001-07:00

How rad is that?? Happy Thursday!

Peter Carlin's interpretive dancing video

2009-05-20T06:15:00.001-07:00

(p.s. He's the one in the blue hat on the far right)

Thanks, Seumas!

Picture of Cheesus

2009-05-19T06:29:00.001-07:00

Oh good lord... literally!!
I kill me.

source

Here's the pic of the girl who didn't wear underwear for her high school pictures

2009-05-15T07:10:00.000-07:00

Seriously... I have empathy for any teenager who's going through the perils of high school livin', but COME ON. You show up for picture day sans-underwear and sit on a bleacher with your legs uncrossed full-on KNOWING that you're freeballing it, and then cry to the media that your vagina is exposed in 100s of yearbooks? Shoulda thought of that before you went spread eagle in front of the camera... geez, girly. You are the reason that thongs were invented.

Peter Carlin's facebook picture...

2009-05-13T07:55:00.000-07:00

...okay, am I perverted or is this picture highlighting Peter's, um, peter? Oh, jokes! My god, I'm lame.

But seriously, this picture is pretty crotch-centric... or am I wrong? Please to be discussing.

holy fuck, this is hilarious!

2009-05-13T06:41:00.000-07:00

http://www.awkwardboners.com

Thanks to Peter Carlin for the, um, link.

This website is genius... and pretty gross.

How crazy is this?

2009-05-12T06:53:00.000-07:00

Bette's got herself some strong genes.

I'm stealing this headline from Rick: "What rhymes with no comment?"

2009-05-12T06:29:00.000-07:00

As he said, it would be weird to not post this since it's on the internets and in a prominent Portland paper:

Stop the Music: Rick Emerson Show Fans Fight for More Talk.

4:57 PM May 11th, 2009 by Kelly Clarke
Culture / media / music | Email This Post Email This Post |

Die hard fans of the Rick Emerson Show, the geekcentric local radio program that recently emigrated to KUFO Rock 101.1 from sister CBS Radio station AM 970 have started a campaign for more talk, less music during the show’s new, prime 5 am-9am time slot.

The sonic kerfuffle started last Monday, May 4, when fans like Seuman Froemke noticed that there was a whole lot more King of Leon and Green Day playing than usual during RES than Emerson’s trademark offbeat rants about obscure rock lore, Portland politics and the unifying power of bacon.

It turns out that the show’s daily mix of talk with a little music in between had been upended by CBS Radio. The new schedule, as of last week, slashed the amount of time Emerson and longtime co-hosts Tim Riley and Sarah X. Dylan spend dissecting the minutiae of the day down to a mere 90 minutes over the course of four hours. That’s down from 140 minutes when the show moved to KUFO in early March. When RES aired on 970 AM, the trio had 190 minutes to jaw. (Note: I appear on RES most Thursdays to talk about WW’s top stories, but was not exactly aware what changes had taken place when I was at the studio last week. I can confirm the existence of a piece of paper printed with a pie chart taped to the wall in the set, noting that the breakdown for each hour of the show is now 24 minutes of music an hour, 22 minutes talk and 14 minutes ads.)

Froemke, a 31 year old former Portlander who now obsessively listens to the show via podcast in Denver, Colorado, noticed the change immediately. And he was not pleased. Here’s a bit from Froemke himself:

Rick, Sarah and Tim have always been the kind of fantastic [show] that brings the geeks and freaks and artists and the creative together in the Portland area… That’s why the show always worked before someone mucked with their formula….The Rick Emerson Show traditionally wasn’t something you listened to. It was something you participated in with your fellow audience members. You contributed content to it. You gave feedback directly to it… It is that sense of belonging and community and appreciation that has always kept the audience not just dedicated to Rick, Tim and Sarah, but to their advertisers. Companies like Viso and Everybody’s Garden Center and Secret Aardvark among many others…. How do you develop that loyalty if you strip a show of everything that makes it great and you reduce it to a bunch of rock records?

So he created “Save the Rick Emerson Show,” a new blog devoted to mobilizing the show’s legion of hardcore fans with the ultimate goal of cajoling CBS to changing RES back to the way it used to be. The blog lists public contact info CBS Radio and KUFO honchos as well as advertiser names and emails for local reporters (RES fans have sent me nearly a dozen heated and/or passionate missives so far).

Why the devotion? Froemke says it’s important to fight for quality, local programming: “I’m a 31 year old successful professional with disposable income that I’m willing to spend. I’m a marketer and program director’s wet dream,” he wrote WW last week. “But after so much noise and a lack of unique content out there, I’ve grown very particular about what I consume. I consider my time and my ears and my mind to be very valuable, so what I stick in them has to be good.” (Apparently that doesn’t include songs like this in KUFO’s current morning rotation.)

It’s not the first time the “Emerson Army” has gone to battle to save what they see as one of the only truly unique, local radio programs out there in a sea of sports commentary, on-air fart jokes and robotic music programming. When Entercom canceled the Rick Emerson Show on Portland’s now defunct MAX 910 in 2005, his fans sent hundreds of coffee cups to the corporate media behemoth’s Portland office with notes that said “I need my daily fix.” Rallies, parties and other RES devotionals also took place around town—more than 1,500 fans showed up one event. The fierce loyalty of the show’s listeners ended up helping RES find a new home with CBS Radio in 2006.

It turns out at least some of the show’s advertisers are fans too: “We’re not thrilled with it either,” says Scott Moritz of Secret Aardvark when asked about RES‘ new more rock, less talk format change. The local hot sauce company has been a longtime RES advertiser. They hadn’t heard of the “Save the Rick Emerson Show” campaign yet. “I like Rick, I’d rather hear him more,” Moritz says. “It’s a talk show. That’s what I signed on to advertise with.”

I couldn’t reach Rick Emerson for comment, but I’ll update the post once I hear back from him. He’s probably busy watching reruns of Mystery Science Theater 3000. At least, that’s what I always assume he’s doing when he’s not on the air…

I also left a messages for Dave McDonald, CBS Radio’s General Manager for Portland and KUFO programming director Chris Patyk. Again, I’ll update once I hear back.

source

This website is genius! And creepy!

2009-05-06T06:16:00.000-07:00

www.thehairtrader.com

...here's the picture from my favorite one:...and here is the weird description to go along with it:

I have 10 ponytails from Vietnamese women's head from 18" long and up to 25". Hairs 100% virgin natural color. Healthy soft and shinny, guarantee never dyed or used chemilcal. I can supply about 10 ponytails each months if you can pay a good price. For more information, please contact me at by using contact this user feature on my ad or make an offer. If you are finding the best hairs for your business, you found already.

Um, really? That is the creepiest fucking thing I've read in awhile. I have 10 Vietnamese women's ponytails? Are they still attached to the heads?

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Hmm.

2009-04-28T07:16:00.000-07:00

Britney Spears dancing around with her TAMPON STRING HANGING OUT. Oh boy. Isn't she wearing tights?? That just doesn't even seem possible...

Holy god. This is wrong.

2009-04-23T07:30:00.000-07:00

Here's a video of the now-unavailable Apple application where you can SHAKE A BABY UNTIL IT GETS RED X's FOR EYES. Fucking wrong wrong. Check out the video!

Thanks, Seumas!!

My blog.

2009-04-22T08:29:00.001-07:00

Hey folks!

So, due to the fact that celebrities have been fucking BORING lately I've decided to take my blog in a new direction - that's right - a NEW direction. For awhile now I've been carrying around a notebook that I write down out-of-context quotes that I have actually heard, so I think for the foreseeable future I'm just going to start a collection of those, along with anything celebrity-newsy or otherwise that seems fitting.

Thanks!

So far from the book to start:

"meth goggles and whore-wrangling"

"hippie frisbee keep-away"

"it's a wicked stripe"

"mmm... tastes like uterus"

"i'm going to flyer butt-plier that thing"

"we don't have bungee-cord eyes?"

"i've got dirty on my pants"

"i've gotta take a shit" - for real, some trashy 16-year-old chick at the pool, she YELLED it. fucking gross.

"you're on birth control, right?" - teenage boy to slutty-looking teenage girl at the pool.

"bellybutton... asshole... it doesn't matter"

"my right boob is named Janet"

"did your package rub out the shiny?"

"the Blazers are like drunk girls at the end of last call" - Belmont Inn, girl to friends

...more to come!

Sexy bitch

2009-04-14T05:15:00.000-07:00

Phil Spector just gets more and more dreamy. Here's his booking photo... this is nightmare-inducing.

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Holy shit!!

2009-03-31T05:16:00.000-07:00

Mr. Beau Breedlove - yes, THE Beau Breedlove - is going to be in studio this Thursday! Holy crap! Please to be writing any questions you'd like me to ask him when he's in our studio...

holy crap! shamwow guy arrested for beating a prostitute!!

2009-03-27T16:19:00.000-07:00

life is sweet... oh so gloriously, sham-wowwy sweet...

MARCH 27--Meet Vince Shlomi. He's probably better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers. Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face (she is pictured here in mug shots snapped following busts in 2008 and 2005). After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons," police reported. In a brief telephone interview, Harris declined to answer TSG questions about her run-in with Shlomi, though she did say she is considering a lawsuit against the pitchman. Asked if she worked as a hooker, Harris declined comment. As seen in the below mug shot, Shlomi was also injured during the fracas and, court records show, was treated at Mount Sinai Medical Center. While Shlomi and Harris were both arrested for felony aggravated battery, prosecutors this month declined to file formal charges against the combatants. Police records list Shlomi's occupation as "Marketing," but make no mention of his affiliation with the ShamWow or the Slap Chop, both of which sell for $19.95 (plus shipping and handling).

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Thanks, Dave!!

Where The Wild Things Are - the trailer!!!

2009-03-26T06:18:00.000-07:00

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Thanks, Steve F.!

Lost recap

2009-03-26T04:46:00.000-07:00

Hey guys!

If you don't watch Lost then this is going to be a boring post for you, but if you do, here is my recap from the episode last night. My friends Lisa and Heather and I get together every Wednesday and watch Lost, so here are my notes (along with commentary from my buddies) from last night. Yes, notes. I am a nerd.

Okay, here we go!

9:04 - Sayid kills chicken out of compassion because friend can't

9:05 - "Ben is creepy" - Heather

9:06 - Young Ben gives Sayid a book (title: A Separate Reality)

9:10 - They're in Moscow?

-Sayid murders some dude

-Ben tells Sayid he's killed everyone?

9:12 - Mission accomplished!

9:13 - Horace visits Sayid in jail

- Going to have to take it to the next level?

9:14 - Juliet and Sawer

-Jack and Kate

9:15 - Why did Sayid break the 'truce'?

9:16 - "A 12-year old Ben Linus brought me a chicken salad sandwich, how do you think I'm doing?" - Sayid, fucking hilarious!

9:17 - "I've built a life here" - Sawyer

9:20 - In cafeteria with Hurley, Kate and Jack

-Kate finds out about Sawyer and Juliet

9:21 - Ben's dad walks in, Ben brings Sayid a sandwich, dad hits Ben... empathy?

9:22 - Present day, Sayid doing construction

- Ben finds Sayid

9:25 - murder and torture is "in Sayid's nature, he's a killer." - Ben

9:26 - I want more Desmond - me!

9:27 - WTF? Sawyer tazes Sayid... hmm.

-Horace is lady lovely locks

9:28 - Sawyer to Sayid - "He's our you" (who is that dude?)

-something shoved in Sayids mouth, truth serum?

-super creepy guy in tent

9:32 - Flash-forward, Sun is on the dock

-holds gun to Ben's head

-Airport, Sayid talking to girl that has him under arrest on plane?

-$120 scotch

-Hmm... dude interrogating Sayid is Larry from Newhart!

9:37 - truth serum, "I am a bad man." - Sayid

9:38 - Sayid talks about the Flame, communications station

-"I am from the future, you are all going to die."

9:39 - "Sawyer looks like Kid Rock" - Jay

9:41 - "..or I call Ann Arbor" ??

- Baby Ethan!

9:43 - Holy shit! Sawyer agrees to kill Sayid?!

9:47 - Sayid making out with jail lady

- slut boots!

9:48 - "They are going to kill you" - Sawyer to Sayid

9:49 - Sawyer and Kate

- "why did you come back?"

9:51 - flaming VW bus

- Little hooded person, Ben?

9:52 - Little Ben!

- Ben says about his dad "I really hated him". Past tense? Did he already kill him??

-"That's why I'm here" - Sayid

9:57 - Airport, present day

- Jailor lady has Sayid in custody, Kate is there incognito

-Beaten-up Ben on plane

9:59 - flashback, young Ben lets Sayid out of his jail cell

10:00 - VW bus driving through the woods?!?!

- it's Jin!

- "What are you doing here?" - Jin to Sayid

10:02 - Sayid knocks Jin out??

10:03 - Holy mother fucking shit!!! Sayid just shot and killed young Ben Linus!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (and Lisa called it)

Best. Episode. Ever.

Hilarious

2009-03-25T06:09:00.000-07:00

Rory McInnes did some of his own decorating at his family home... by painting a 60ft penis on the roof of his parents house. His parents Andy and Clare were delighted a year ago when builders finished a new roof on their $2 million house, but Rory, 18, had just watched a documentary about Google Earth — which lets internet users view satellite pictures — and decided to make the property stand out.

He grabbed a can of white paint and climbed up to the roof, where he spent half an hour painting the giant fallus on the roof of his parents home. For the next year only Rory knew about the giant manhood on the roof near Hungerford, Berks, but his secret was blown when a helicopter pilot spotted it, and hovered so his passenger could take photos.

Andy, the father of the trouble-maker, thought it was a joke when British newspaper The Sun contacted him about the painting. He responded with: “It’s an April Fool’s joke, right? There’s no way there’s a 60ft phallus on top of my house.” He then spoke to all four of his kids demanding answers, and when he phoned Rory — who was traveling in Brazil — he burst out laughing, saying: “Oh, you’ve found it then!”

This picture of a giant fallus is regarded as a massive fertility symbol, and couples often have sex near pictures of this giant appendage in the hope of conceiving. Rory’s mother Clare said: “We don’t want any more children, so the idea of sleeping under a giant fertility symbol is rather worrying.” Rory's father also commented that: “We don’t want to lie in bed at night and hear couples at it above us. When Rory gets home he will be given a scrubbing brush and white spirit and he can go and scrub it off.”

New "Where the Wild Things are" stills... radness!

2009-03-23T05:25:00.000-07:00

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Where the wild things are...

2009-03-18T06:21:00.000-07:00

Rick is conflicted on whether or not he thinks this poster is cool; I, on the other hand, think that it's rad! This was one of my favorite books as a kid, I think that it looks pretty promising... but then again, I thought the same thing about many other movies.

We're moving to 101.1 KUFO mornings!!!!

2009-03-09T11:48:00.000-07:00

Starting this Thursday at 5am... yes, 5am :) I'm so excited!!!! Oh, and Willamette Week wrote a blurb about us as well.. find out more at www.kufo.com!

Amy Winehouse looks good!

2009-03-05T17:58:00.000-08:00

Holy crap! I didn't think I'd see this day, but what do you know... she looks really pretty! I will miss the days when she's not crawling around on all fours stealing drinks from people at fancy resorts, but I'd much rather her not be a crackhead anymore.

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The hotness that IS Kevin Federline.

2009-03-03T11:41:00.000-08:00

Wow. I have no words.

Trailer for the Donnie Darko sequel!!

2009-02-27T13:24:00.001-08:00

I know it's going to be shit, but I can't help but be excited... Happy Friday!

Looky here!

2009-02-26T14:31:00.000-08:00

Holy crap! It's Paul from the Wonder Years! I was actually wondering - ah, stupid puns - but seriously, i was, what happened to him a few weeks ago, and low and behold TMZ again infiltrates my brain and finds him for me. Thank you, TMZ, thank you. God, I loved that show so much, I have the most fantastic memories as a kid watching it with the fam.... although now Paul looks like a love child between Steve Buschemi and Marilyn Manson. Just sayin'.

Thank you, Dave Zinn. Thank you...

2009-02-25T18:10:00.000-08:00

...for introducing me to the WORST movie I've ever seen - and not in the worst-best way that Repo! The Genetic Opera is. Right now I'm sitting in my apartment laughing my ass off, and i'm only 45 minutes into this glorious piece of cinematography. It is awful and awkward and has soft-core porn scenes punctuated by the worst dialogue I've ever heard. Holy god. The clincher is that the guy who plays the main heartthrob (who looks like a younger, slightly-deformed Gene Simmons) is also the director, producer and writer of it. It is AMAZING. The fake sets, the hilarious plotlines, the amusing toleration of the other cast members toward the main dude's lack of acting skills, it's just non-stop. Oh, there is also a drug-pusher, surprise party, and a mom who talks about selling her house in the same sentence and inflection that she then reveals that she has breast cancer. Um, what? Oh, snap, and the dirty slutty girl just told her mom that she slept with someone else, unbeknownced to her that Johnny (creepy main actor dude) is sitting upstairs eavesdropping and planning to secretly record his life to prove that he's not a fiance-beating alchie! It just don't get no sweeter folks.

May I now present.... the trailer:

All hail the glorious Dave Zinn

SIDENOTE: Okay, so I've been doing some research on Mr. Tommy Wiseau (the main star, director & producer), and I'm starting to think that this movie is all a giant put-on, and he's some famous actor or something with a lot of make-up on to look like the deformed muscle-man he is. There's absolutely no information about him before 2003 - and even his Wikipedia page states that he keeps his 'past a mystery'. Hmm. Now, the question is - who the hell is the genius pretending to be Tommy Wiseau that made this movie as awful-fabulous as it is?? I need answers!!! Okay, off to watch Lost. Look, a penny!

Dude, this is fucked up.

2009-02-20T10:17:00.000-08:00

TMZ has posted this photo of Rhianna after Chris Brown "ALLEGEDLY" beat the shit out of her. Chris Brown is an "alleged" asshole. Fuck.

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Holy mother of god.

2009-02-12T11:10:00.000-08:00

My eyes, MY EYES!!!!!!!!! I want to unsee this!! She's smuggling eight babies in there... and some crazy-eyes in her head. Bad. Bad bad.

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Local Cut - www.wweek.com

2009-02-05T11:10:00.000-08:00

I'm on the Willamette Week website... and so are Morgan Grace's breasts! She is quite awesome, as is my friend Jay Horton whom I interviewed folks with in the green room at the Portland Music Awards. Here's a link to the teaser for the video, and I guess the full video (with audio and interviews) will be up sometime in the next couple of days. Oh, and be sure to listen to the Punk Show on KUFO Sunday nights 7pm - 9m, or online at www.kufo.com. Lisa Wood and I are co-hosting the show, and we'd love to hear your requests... feel free to leave them as comments here, thanks!

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Beau, no!

2009-01-26T11:43:00.001-08:00

ew.

more here...

Jessica Simpson's bigger sister.

2009-01-26T11:26:00.000-08:00

Holy God... she disappears for a couple of months and then BAM! Here she is! Um, I have no words.

Thanks, Chad!

Not about Sam Adams.

2009-01-23T10:55:00.000-08:00

DUDE. These pictures are the coolest things I've seen in awhile! It's a series of photos of the recovery of the plane for flight 1549... holy shit, they are creepy and amazing. Enjoy!

p.s. But yes, I do support Sam Adams. In case you give a shit. Which you probably do not. But then again, you're at a website titled sarahxdylan.com so you might.

I'm going to stop writing now.

p.p.s. This is hilarious!

p.p.p.s. I totally lied. This post was totally about Sam Adams.

2009-01-16T13:29:00.000-08:00

Lisa Wood is a co-worker of mine (she hosts Viva La Luna on ROCK 101 KUFO, among many other duties) and more importantly a close friend of mine. Her and her (now) husband had a pretty rough year, and because of financial troubles due to many sudden changes in their lives she had to sell one of her favorite possessions - her prized guitar. Here's her story of loss and gain told in her words, she is an amazing person and her story is touching to read. If you have a few minutes please read below! If you'd like to see more of her blog, and see pictures of the guitar head to www.lisawood.net for more. Thanks!

The Story of the Guitar.

by LWood

This story is incredible (it would be no matter who it happened to), is guaranteed to bring a goose bump or 2, possibly a tear to the eye and is a testament to the people we feel so, so lucky to have in our lives. I think it needs to be told, especially in a time where it seems like every day we are hit with not-so-good news.

A little back-story…
2007 & much of 2008 were very rough for us. We both lost our jobs and were unemployed for much longer than expected. We learned, very unexpectedly, that Brian has a teenage daughter he’d never known about, which turned our lives upside down. I’m pretty sure no one ever really braces for that kind of news, but once thrown into that scenario, you have no choice but to take it on and move forward. We started paying child support and struggled through a very difficult and emotional legal battle. That, combined with our lack of employment just about ruined us financially.

We tried very hard to keep our heads up and know that eventually things would get better. Our friends and family were an unending source of emotional support, it really made all the difference having them by our side.

At one of our lowest and toughest financial points, after having to borrow money from both of our families at one point or another, when unemployment checks weren’t enough to cover our bills, let alone the mounting lawyer fees, we had to sell some things to make ends meet. It wasn’t ideal, but we came to the conclusion at that point that things were things and we’d be better off down the road and could try to replace them then.

Anyone who knows us knows our deep and undying love for all things musical. Over the years, before we met and after we began dating, we’d collected a few second hand instruments, several limited edition concert posters, records and CDs. I parted ways with a few Pearl Jam posters, which stung a bit, some CDs, which I was able to at save as MP3s, but the hardest decision was to part with my beautiful Fender Stratocaster. It was the only instrument I’d ever saved up for and bought new. Brian fell in love with it when we started dating, it was our favorite guitar. With the simplest set-up, no pedals, no effects, just the guitar and an amp, it sounded like a warm musical blanket wrapping you in goodness. It was one of the few things we had that carried a decent value though and as painful as it was, we had to sell it. I know the guitar geekitude is not easily explained in words, but those of you who have that in you, know exactly what I mean.
I posted it on Craigslist and sent the link to everyone I knew and got an email from a guy here in Portland that wanted to buy it for his wife. He paid for it with paypal and came to get it. It seemed almost too easy, but he was all smiles about it and I was glad it was going to someone who’d appreciate it, not to mention another girl playing guitar

It was so, so hard to see it go, but we assured ourselves that we did the right thing, especially since it was the money from the guitar that paid our rent that month.

Fast Forward 5 months to our wedding reception.
Sean and Jeff had done their toasts and in a passing, almost quiet moment where you wonder if anyone else has anything to say, we heard “Alright, I’ve got something to say” from the back of the room. It was one of our closest friends, Gavin. He got up on the mic and I noticed that his voice was a bit shaky and he seemed pretty emotional.

Rather than the expected wedding toast, he started talking about how we’d had a pretty rough go the last 2 years and had to sell some things. We kind of looked at each other, like “where is he going with this?” He went on to say that he and a group of friends had pulled together to surprise us, turned to the back of the stage and I saw a guitar case. My first thought was that they bought us a new guitar and I was floored.

But then out came my guitar. Surrounded by old vinyl records, all signed by everyone who pitched in, in it’s original case.

We were stunned and to be honest the moment is all a little blurry for me. It was one of those moments where you feel like you’re in a tunnel where everything is happening really quickly, but you want to try and get your head around what’s actually happening and try to savor it.

Once I’d processed the fact that my guitar, not another guitar like it, but my Fender was sitting in front of us, I was full of questions.
“How did you find the guy who bought my guitar?”
“How did you convince him to sell it to you?”
This goes back to the moment being blurry…Gavin said “Dude, we bought it for you. I knew that guy from college and he lives in Portland. We pooled our money together and sent him to buy it from you so that we could give it to you here, tonight.”
So they sent that guy to buy the guitar in May and held onto it without either of us having a clue. Amazing.

Every time I tell the story and as I write it right now, I am overwhelmed by it. We’ve always felt very lucky to have such amazing people in our lives, but never could we have imagined such a scenario. It left us speechless and feeling as though saying thank you a million times over would never be enough.

Every single day of our honeymoon and still to this day (especially when one of us plays the guitar) at some point one of us will look at the other and say “can you believe that happened?”
Our friends and family are the absolute best, we can never say thank you enough for making an already unforgettable, amazing day more than we could have ever dreamed.

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Amy Winehouse crawls around fancy resort on all fours while trying to steal other people's drinks. Really.

2009-01-16T13:15:00.001-08:00

It's a matter of days since Amy Winehouse was boasting of her new healthy-living regime after meeting a clean-cut young rugby player on holiday in the Caribbean.
Unfortunately for her, 21-year-old Josh Bowman has now returned to England.
And Miss Winehouse has not taken long to revert to her shambolic lifestyle.
She drank so much one night this week that hotel staff refused to serve her any more alcohol.

But determined to carry on boozing, she crawled around the restaurant on all fours and apparently tried to take drinks from under diners' noses.
The troubled 25-year-old singer, who is battling her addiction to drugs, is said then to have begged other holidaymakers to buy her wine which she could take back to her room.

Guests at the £200-a-night Le Sport Spa resort on St Lucia are said to be exasperated at the behaviour of Miss Winehouse, who has been seen wandering around in her bra or even topless.
She has held all-night singing sessions on her balcony with friends, some of whom she has paid to fly out from London, and threw a glass of water over a 27-year-old woman on her honeymoon, whom she accused of giving her 'bad looks'.

A number of guests are said to have asked for a transfer to a different resort.
The good news for those who remain is that Miss Winehouse is moving to a private villa after four weeks on the island.
The bad news is that it is near the resort - and she has decided to extend her holiday by another fortnight.
It has even been suggested that she is considering buying a £3million-property, complete with a recording studio, in the Sugar Beach area of the island.

The singer's 57-year-old father Mitch has now flown out to keep an eye on his wayward daughter and her friends.
After meeting Mr Bowman, Miss Winehouse announced that she was off drugs for good.
'Before I came out here I looked at a photo of myself in the newspaper and was horrified,' she said recently.
'My skin was a spotty mess and I was so pale and skinny. I thought to myself, "Girl, you got to sort yourself out or you'll be dead soon".
'I was depressed, doing drugs and had no life in me at all. Coming here has changed everything. Home is hell for me. I've escaped from it. The drugs are everywhere.

'But I feel so calm and peaceful and for the first time I can definitely say I am off the drugs. I haven't touched anything since I arrived and I feel the best I have in years.'
A fellow guest, however, said: 'A lot of the people who have come to stay here are upset because she is loud and vulgar. Guests are paying a lot of money.
'But many of them are asking to be transferred to a different resort because they have had enough. They can't take it any longer. It has ruined some people's holiday.'
A spokesman for the singer said: 'Amy was not stealing drinks off people's tables. She could have been doing anything in those pictures.
'She is moving out of the hotel and into a private villa nearby. She wants a bit more privacy.
'Her dad arrived today and she has decided to stay out there for two more weeks. She is just on holiday and enjoying herself.'

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Lisa Hughes - our news reporter for today!

2009-01-16T12:35:00.000-08:00

Damn.

2009-01-09T14:13:00.000-08:00

Patrick Swayze checked into a hospital Friday morning with pneumonia. The actor has been undergoing treatment for inoperable stage-four pancreatic cancer.Swayze's hospitalization came shortly before he was scheduled to meet with TV critics and journalists at the TV Critics Assn.'s winter press tour in Universal City at noon Friday to promote his new series for A&E "The Beast."

A&E president and GM Robert DeBitetto opened the network's presentation by saying, "Patrick has asked that I tell you that this morning he checked himself into the hospital for observation. Chemotherapy can take its toll on the immune system, and illnesses are a part of that. Patrick wishes me to tell you that he's very sorry he cannot attend, but plans to get back to promoting 'The Beast' soon. He thanks everybody for the outpouring of support. We hope to see him back on his feet soon."

For complete coverage of A&E's TCA panel, see the Live Feed.

Michael Jackson is my hero.

2009-01-09T12:51:00.000-08:00

Seriously, he could be dead at this point, and this could be some impersonator. I mean really, when was the last time you actually saw his face?? I love that even though his entire head is wrapped like a mummy, yet he still has to wear his shades. Classy dude.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-09T10:48:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,

Sorry I've been such a slacker about updating my website lately, the news was a little slow and with the lack of Tim Riley on the show I've spent my mornings perusing 'actual' news sites instead of my usual gossip sites. That being said, now that things are flowing a bit more smoothly I shall be back to entertain with any hilarious pictures or anectdotes I can scrounge up for you fine folks. Okay, I'm off to do that, but in the meantime please to be wasting countless hours playing this game, it is AWESOME:

http://www.aksalser.com/game.htm

Thanks, Frank!

Mr. Tim Riley

2008-12-09T10:53:00.000-08:00

It has been such an honor through the years to be able to work with a man of Mr. Riley's character. The mornings that we spent together before the show politely ignoring each other were a great way to start the day, as were our hilarious conversations on and off the air. He is one of the most unique people I've ever met, and has given me such good advice throughout the years to help me become a better radio person, and has helped me (and countless others) appreciate radio as an art form, and his skill in doing so cannot be matched. He is missed, and I can't wait for the day that we can all be together on the air again - hopefully sooner than later, fingers crossed.

Best of luck, Tim. We miss you.

Oh, and if you fine folks would like to get ahold of Tim, his email address is:

timrileyradio@yahoo.com

You should watch this show, really.

2008-12-02T13:29:00.000-08:00

Really. It's goddamn hilarious. This is the season finale that happened last week, if you get a chance check it out!

Introducing.... Ritchelle!

2008-11-26T11:13:00.000-08:00

Words cannot express how much I heart Ritchie. Buy a ticket to his show!

Holy shitballs!! Flight of the Conchords Season 2 promos!!

2008-11-24T13:20:00.000-08:00

So stoked!

Hugh Jackman - Sexiest man alive

2008-11-24T12:22:00.000-08:00

Really? Really?? This guy beat out motherfucking JON HAMM for sexiest man alive?! Shame on you, People Magazine, shame on you and your bad eyeballs.

Thanks, Todd :)

ShamWOW!

2008-11-21T14:13:00.000-08:00

hot dog.

um, what the fuck is going on with Katie Holmes?

2008-11-21T13:52:00.001-08:00

Her make-up looks like mine did after I dressed as Dr. Frankenfurter from the Rocky Horror picture and then came home drunk and tried to wash off my black eyeshadow without any soap and I looked like a black-eyed transvestite. Yeah. Like that.

Byron Beck's new blog!

2008-11-21T13:25:00.000-08:00

http://byronbeckwindow.ning.com/profile/ByronBeck

Check it out! Byron is a buddy of mine and a fantastical writer and since parting ways with the Willamette Week (he was the writer for the Queer Window) he's started up his own blog to keep people up-to-date on the happenings in his life and um, gossip about Twilight. Enjoy!

New Lost promo!!

2008-11-21T11:51:00.000-08:00

This is the vest that CBS requires Tim Riley to wear if he's outside reporting

2008-11-13T12:11:00.000-08:00

Seriously. He's legally required by CBS to look like a crossing guard.

This is what I think is funny.

2008-11-10T12:19:00.000-08:00

If you don't have time to watch the whole clip, here are a couple of shorter clips for your enjoyment. Goddamn. Don Hertzfeldt is a genius.

Repo! A Genetic Opera

2008-11-10T11:45:00.000-08:00

...is playing tonight at the Clinton Street Theater and it's sold out already and I'm totally bummed! That being said, does anyone have any tickets that they perhaps aren't going to be using, or know anyone who has some they'd like to get rid of? I've been listening to the soundtrack (that I obtained, um, legally) non-stop in my car for a month and thought I'd be able to check out the movie tonight, not knowing that the Repo! love had spread so much that all of the tickets would be gone.

Thanks!

Wow.

2008-11-06T14:31:00.000-08:00

Good lord. Amy Winehouse stumbling around the streets of London. Out of her mind. Again. With mascara all over her face. This is just ridiculous at this point.

It's almost over!!

2008-11-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

This is my absolute FAVORITE song from Les Mis, and the video is pretty goddamn awesome. I hope that you guys enjoy, and hope to see you tomorrow night at Grand Central Bowl for the Rick Emerson Political Party beginning at 7pm!

Are you fucking kidding me?

2008-11-02T01:24:00.000-07:00

Genius.

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You're going to have to bear with me.

2008-10-29T10:38:00.000-07:00

I know that Mad Men has been on for two seasons now, and I know I should have by now discovered how hot Jon Hamm is or how fucking amazing the show is, but I'm getting a late start here so my obsession is just beginning. That being said, here's yet another thing about Mad Men - The Simpsons doing a parody of the intro! Genius!

Jon Hamm is the fucking sexiest man alive.

2008-10-28T13:44:00.000-07:00

...oh, and goddamn hilarious as well. Sigh.

This is AWESOME

2008-10-24T13:53:00.000-07:00

Here's an instructional video by the crazy girl who carved a B in her face and said that she was mugged by an Obama supporter while campaigning for McCain.

Thanks, Aaron!

Katie Holmes likes to eat rocks

2008-10-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

I mean, really though, what the hell is going on with her mouth? Her teeth didn't used to look like that, now they're all snarly and jagged. Ick. I really need to start wearing my retainer. Here's what her teeth used to look like:

Okay, so other people have noticed as well

2008-10-23T10:34:00.000-07:00

This shit is GENIUS!

Okay, now this is getting a bit ridiculous...

2008-10-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

Really? I mean, really?

This is hilarious! I'm really starting to like John McCain in all of his senile glory..

2008-10-22T13:51:00.000-07:00

"You know, I think you may have noticed that Senator Obama's supporters have been saying some pretty nasty things about Western Pennsylvania lately. And you know, I couldn't agree with them more." - John McCain

ta-da!

John McCain has a bit of a slip-up

2008-10-22T12:27:00.000-07:00

Um, rates were 'cunt' in the Bush years? Good to know, good to know.

Thanks, Lisa Wood!

2008-10-20T10:17:00.001-07:00

See more Natalie Portman videos at Funny or Die

It's true. It's true. :)

Larry Flynt's "Nailin' Palin'" - Sarah Paylin

2008-10-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

Good lord, those are some big jugs.

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Rick's interview on www.wweek.com!

2008-10-16T14:14:00.000-07:00

Rick is a super talented dude (as you all know) and now he's hosting a local TV show all about Portland! He has an interview in this weeks Willamette Week but you can find a longer version of the interview right here.

Congrats, Rick!

La Pequeña Sarah Palin. Wiith a penis. Set to the tune of 9 to 5. Really.

2008-10-16T13:43:00.000-07:00

I wish I could unsee this, yet at the same time I want to show it to every person I've ever met. I especially love the part when the mini-Sarah-Palin-with-a-penis starts to play with said penis while dancing with a tall man dressed as a gimp with Dolly Parton playing in the background. God damn.

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She's back!!

2008-10-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

Blow-up doll Christina is back in effect looking porny, super fuck yeah!! I haven't seen her looking this trashy in a long time, I think it was pre-baby so it was pretty long ago. Now she and her hooker lips are back and better than ever... all the while looking quite constipated. God, I've missed all of the trashy Hollywood gals - I hope this is the beginning of the next slew of crazy ladies going on drunken rampages and slutting it up. Woo!

How many licks?

2008-10-16T12:47:00.001-07:00

Here's a video that someone made capturing all of the creepy licking faces McCain made over the course of the first debate. Super creepy and awesome! Oh, and p.s. - I'm sorry that my recent posts are lacking the usual lustre, but there really is nothing going on in the world of entertainment, so by god this is all I can find. Hopefully things will pick up soon!

Okay, I know this close-up of pictures are unfair...

2008-10-16T12:30:00.001-07:00

...but damn. She's a little bit freaky-looking, I know that she's like 50 but she's all like angular and scary-looking. Oh, Madonna.

This is a real still from last night. Genius!

2008-10-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

This isn't doctored in any way, I guess McCain started walking the wrong direction after the debate and got all flustered-like. Such a refined gentleman, that McCain.

Britney Spears' new video: Womanizer

2008-10-16T10:23:00.001-07:00