Friday, January 04, 2008

holy shit.

Okay, so I was awoken by a couple of text messages from my dear friend Squid alerting me to the fact that BRITNEY SPEARS WAS TAKEN FROM HER HOUSE IN AN AMBULANCE AND ON DRUGS and HER KIDS WERE FORCIBLY TAKEN FROM HER AFTER SHE REFUSED TO GIVE THEM BACK TO KEVIN FEDERLINE. Sweet mother of god, this shit is getting ridiculous. Of course TMZ was there to cover it all, you should head to their site in the meantime to see the saga unfold. I am going back to bed, but here is a picture of crazy getting wheeled out of her house on a gurney. Holy god. Look at that crazy smile on her face in the second picture... bitch has lost it.



stevobar said...

This news is gold...pure gold...can't wait for the show today.

Seumas said...

I'm such a total dork. I took a nap around 3am and woke up at 4am just to hear the breaking news on CNN. First thing I did was rush to myspace to send you the news that Squid was sending you, too. So when you wake up, there's a big overly gleeful message waiting for you. :)

Things seem to be a bit murky and not everyone is issuing the same report, but it seems that:

+ Britney was supposed to give her kids to Federline's bodyguards, but there was some dispute and the police were called to the scene to mediate the situation.

+ Police state that Britney seemed to be "under the influence of something". Nobody knows what, for sure.

+ Britney was hauled out on a gurney, into an ambulance and sent to a hospital for drug testing and mental evaluation.

+ Some reports say one of her kids went to the hospital with her and was also on a gurney. Other reports say this is not the case.

I am so glad that 2008 is starting out this wonderfully. There is no way Britney is going to live to 2009.

Additionally, I think she might kill one of her children by rolling over on them in the middle of the night and crushing and suffocating them while she's passed out, then hiding the body and saying a big black man took them.

Or, more likely, her children will suddenly start getting sick. Repeatedly. Nobody will be able to figure it out, but she'll get a huge wave of global sympathy and affection and attention because she's an unfortunate single mother with a hard life and two kids with a mystery disease that doctors can't solve.

And at some point, they'll realize that they only get sick when she's around, but not when they're with Kevin. And someone will discover video footage of Britney and her kids in a shopping mall elevator. The video will show her forcing draino or something down her children's throats.

Then, she'll be diagnosed with Münchhausen and Kevin will be given permanent custody of both kids.

Then, she'll either kill herself with an overdose of drugs and booze or she'll become permanently wasted in a daily coke frenzy and find herself doing really rough porn, until she mysteriously disappears and we later discover that she OD'd onset and one of the porn producers had his henchmen take her body out to the Nevada desert and bury her.

OR, instead of overdosing and doing porn and dying, she'll receive plenty of medical and psychiatric care after she has nearly killed her children and been diagnosed with Münchhausen syndrome and she'll start to go through recovery. She'll write a self-help book and an auto-biography and then she'll do a talk-show stint and become a new figurehead for "postpartum depression" and how life is so demanding for women and even more so for her and that the paparazzi and public and attention drove her to sicken her children for self gratification.

Just remember where you heard this first.

Nicolas R. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nicolas R. said...

Dude. This is messed up. Hopefully she loses all custody and visitation, and gets booked for-- at the very least-- contempt of court. Which should've happened a long time ago.

Seumas said...

Holy shit, TMZ has a live video/audio feed in front of the courthouse running non-stop in real-time while everyone waits for the lawyers to rush to court. How crazy is that?

Also, if you read TMZ, it's just filled with retards already making "postpartum" excuses. Please give the bitch a straight-razor and turn your backs for just five minutes. I'm begging you.

gay bob said...

Attention whore, thy name is Britney.

I continue to be amazed, although I shouldn't, that she keeps finding new depths to sink to.

jareth said...

Now the britney-watch should be suicide watch.